I wake up this Sunday morning with a heavy heart. Though I've never been one to shrink from change, I mourn what once was. And there is lots of mourning this past month with the death of my mamaw, friends moving and becoming parents, and now a little sister soon to be married.
The death of my mamaw, papaw before that,... well, I don't think I'm ready to write about that. It is too much, too big. I remember when papaw died in January I was amazed at how ordinary everything was, that the whole world wasn't in mourning that this great man had passed from us. And now, sweet, smiling Corena is gone too. I want to see her standing in the threshold of the kitchen with a switch in her hand and arched eyebrows, keeping us in line. Who will keep me in line now?
My friends, will they keep me in line? I don't know. Not only has Jones become a mommy, but SRJ is leaving our little Kommun for C'ville. What will we here in the burg do? Her leaving is not simply an empty spot at the table. I think others would agree that she is in many ways the glue of our tight little group. SRJ does much of what we feminists in the social sciences call the "emotional and care work" of our found family. She initiates emails and phone calls and get togethers. I've always been a lazy friend and I'm sure that hard as I may try, laziness will get the better of me. Oh, I will miss you S. My very first school friend. No one likes to talk the truth about what moving means, but we all know it means so much.
Changes, changes. Lil' sis, graduated high school only last week or so. And is now planning to marry in July I heard last night. Though I'm happy for her, and though I know she is in love and devoted, and though I know that she is a very different person from me and from her other sister, and though I know that in WV things are done differently, I cannot help but feel a little sad about it all. I clearly remember holding her when I was twelve years old and wanting to protect her from all that was frustrating and awful in the world. Naturally, with my marital history, I cannot help but worry about her getting married. It is hard to make a marriage work when you're so young. But, like I said, she's a different person, and perhaps it will suit her well. Still, it is so hard to believe that she is all grown up.
And I think about the rest of us, with our not-so-major-changes, trucking along our pathways. What will become of us all?
2 comments:
Brandy, this was a really nice post. I'm feeling sad about S. leaving too. And then we might be leaving this winter...I don't want to leave!
Also, tag, you're it!
http://metrolandmiscellany.blogspot.com/2008/06/6-things-meme.html
I will miss all of you. It is starting to sink in but I don't want to be sentimental about it (at least not outside my own head). I think we all get to have a say in how it pans out. You're not a lazy friend, Ms. PhD! I'm planning on being around (in a way) as much as I always have been. Please don't think of it as an end, my dear friend!
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